Sunday, April 25, 2004


Unraveling events in Cyprus as told by a frantic British football (read: soccer) commentator:

Turkish Cypriots grow mega-balls and vote yes on the Annan Plan. Shell-shocked Greeks Cypriots declare next six months "a national holiday." Allow rest of the world to "chill the fuck out." Greeks expect Denktas and posse to torepedo the Plan in the last-minute, and in absence of such a torpedo, end up out-Denktasing Denktas! Turkish Cypriot bad-ass-come-prime minister Mehmet Talat tells President Denktas to resign after narrowly winning an election months ago and topping it off by convincing Turkish Cypriots on unification by a 2:1 margin. 24% of Greek Cypriots strut colossal balls and vote yes despite huge harrassment from Greek No-Camp. Denktas says he will not resign because his goal was to destroy the Annan Plan, and it was destroyed. Wimpy Turkish reporters fail to point out to him that majority of Turkish Cypriots did not want to destroy the Annan Plan, and that he aggresively acted against their wishes. The "mega-balls" of Turkish Cypriots disputed by Greeks who say that they had nothing to lose anyway and also disputed by No-Camp Turks who say the Yes-Camp was falsely encouraged by the mainland Turkish Government. The mega-balls status of Turkish Cypriots reinstated after shattering the former argument by pointing out that an entire Turkish village that was to be evacuated entirely and handed over "lock, stock, and barrel" to the Greek side under the Annan Plan actually voted FOR the plan. Mainland Turkish Prime Minister also calls bullshit on latter argument, and implies that the government only assured Turkish Cypriots that they would not be reprimanded if they stood up to failed leader Denktas. Some Greek Cypriots still call the plan as "rewarding the agressors". Some smart ass points out that the Turkish north has seen 30 years of sanctions and embargos that has made its economy null and void. Another smart ass points out that Turkish Cypriots in their 30s now were wearing diapers in the invasion of 74.

In the post-game press conference outside the locker rooms:

UN ambassador De Soto does a lot of "biting my tongue" when asked about Greek side's hurtful propaganda leading up to the referendum and expresses diplomatic speak for "fucked up.". Reporters at press conference stand amazed at his continued ability to speak, assuming that there would be no more tongue left to bite.

Mainland Turkish Foreign Minister Gul walks a fine line by calling the partition pretty much "permanent".

Referendum unveils unpleasant statistics for Greek side. 85%+ of Greek Cypriots between ages 18-24 voted against the plan. Before the vote, former Mainland Greek prime minister Papandreo came out in favor of the plan and support for him and his party took a further dive, same goes for former Greek Cypriot leader Clerides, while in-office mainland prime minister Karamanlis took a grudinginly neutral position, and support for him and his party increased. Statistics show increasing support among the Greek population for "Fuck the World" politics that has unfortunately infected Greek CYPRIOTS, the same kind of politicics, incidentally, that Turkey is attempting to rid itself of. Not good news after the 90s greek public anti-Nato sentiment and Serbian sympathizing. Meanwhile, pundits attribute the Turkish Army's silence on the matter as an inability to say anything that doesn't sound absolutely nuts. Others note that they are probably too busy chasing white supremicists and former Turkish(??) members of the Ku Klux Klan, and magicians! not kidding, but its old news. The Turkish acronym for the Army's decision Commitee is the funniest/worst PR mistake ever, at least switch the acronym to English as well...god help us.


Arnold pays his respects to the Armenians on Genocide day, which is a couple of days after Earth Day and a day after Turkey's own Children's Day, and within a week's range of Saddam's birthday. Turkish newspapers are fondly seen attempting irony by quoting " Terminator" and "Conan the Barbarian." Arnold annoyingly refers to Istanbul circa 1915 as Constantinople (circa 1450s), and actually weakens the effect of the statement-- making the event seem ancient and dreamlike.

Istanbul comes from the Greek "into the city", so there is no reason why everyone should not embrace the hipper alternative. Wouldn't it have been better if New Amsterdam souvenirs were to read "New Ams"?


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