Tuesday, October 19, 2004


One (or Two) Sentence Belated Reviews of Mostly Retarded Movies

The Terminal: Ever wonder what it would be like if Forrest Gump was Russian instead of retarded?

Collateral: Jamie Foxx tells the Last Samurai not to give him "this I-Ching shit" in a taxi cab, thus ending the age-old practice of using taxis to dump bullshit dialogue in a script. Tom Cruise reinstates the practice by continuing to talk about the insignificance of man in the cosmos.

I Robot: Will Smith is a racist black cop in the future chasing down robots who happen to be running down a street with a purse in their hands. This provides sharp commentary on life in the States today where cops chase black people down a street for the same reason, and most of the time it turns out that there is an inhaler in the purse and the poor black guy is trying reach some bitch who is about to die, just like in the movie.

Life is A Miracle: A guy masturbates as bombs fall on his head. No, it's not Underground. Way to go Kusturica!!

Old Boy: When the audience has lost all hope, and while on the ground and having the crap kicked out of him by twenty people, our hero ingeniously begins to hit the attackers' feet with a hammer, like a deranged Charlie Chaplin.


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